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Washington, D.C. Reviews

Welcome to our nation's Crapital. The Mystery Crapper went to see how our politicians go and to make sure that W won't have any trouble. Check out the reviews below and go in peace.

The White House

I actually was able to use the facilities in the West Wing of the White House during a visit a few years back. The same facilities that W uses! Well, it was top notch.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 5
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


The Senate

Now it is quite an experience to crap where Ted Kennedy lets um rip. Can you imagine? Must do this once in life.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


The House of Representatives

Same shit different style.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


The Supreme Court

Judge for yourself and do your civic doody.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3.5
Overall Rating = 3.5


The Lincoln Memorial

Down and to the left of Honest Abe's pooper is a fine crapper that services a number of memorials. Provides a monumental crapping experience.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


The Washington Monument

The nation's giant phallic symbol provides solid crapping facilities. And it's all free!

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


The Library of Congress

Now this crapper sets a high standard for other public buildings in Washington. Very bright and clean, make sure to take along a book and spend some quality time. Truly a marble throne!

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


National Gallery of Art

Make your own toilet sculpture.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Smithsonian - Air & Space Museum


They need an exhibit on crapping in outer space.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4



Smithsonian - American History Museum


One of many various Smithsonians we reviewed. This stall even came complete with reading material. This raised their User Friendliness score but lowered their Cleanliness score?? Huh?

Educational component of signage bumps up Facilities score. What else can we say, it's a place to put your poop.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 2
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 3.5


Smithsonian - Natural History Museum


This is a decent place to unload any unwanted baggage while walking the Mall. Basic institutional crapper. Boring doesn't rate high with us but it works.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Smithsonian - Arts & Industries Museum


This potty has a padded seat, demonstrating the art and industry of the toilet manufacturers of America. Nice tile pattern and stall space. Great for handicrapping.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Smithsonian - Hirshorn Museum


A little more elegant than the other Smithsonian Institutions, this facility is in keeping with the modern art theme of the museum. Complete with Sculpture Garden.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Smithsonian - Castle Information Center


Completed in 1855, the Castle houses many administrative offices and the Information Center. A good place to get oriented to crapping Smithsonian style.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Reagan Nation Airport

This toilet is a disgrace considering that it is housed in an airport named for America's greatest president. Toilet wouldn't flush as indicated by the remains shown in photo. Like most airports, this toilet will do in a pinch, especially after some tasty airline food.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 2
Privacy = 2
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 2


The Guards Restaurant

Dark and small just like a rabbit's turds, this little crapper made us cramped in space and in style. Only one stall in basement atmosphere.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 2.5
Overall Rating = 2.5


The Lathan Hotel (Georgetown)

Smelled really nice but hot as hell was the comment for this ritzy crapper. Multiple stalls and decent facilities. For some reason this baby was about 100 degrees??? Low user friendliness due to heat wave.

User Friendliness = 2
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3.5
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Barnes & Noble/Banana Republic (Georgetown)

Shared between the two stores, this facility will have you crapping in style.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Starbucks (Georgetown)

This is like crapping in the middle of the Capitol Rotunda. The tiny porcelain vestibule you see is located in a giant room. Privacy is good though as only one person at a time is the rule. Good handicrapping access. Just didn''t feel homey without the stall to keep you company. Nice overall though despite cavernous feeling.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Moby Dick House of Kebab

This little pooper is situated right next to tables in the main dining room so everybody knows when you pass a Moby Dick Kebab. And they can smell it too if the breeze coming off the Potomac is blowing in the right direction. For emergencies only. Food is highly rated though so take your chances.

User Friendliness = 1
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 1
Facilities = 2
Overall Rating = 1.5

Georgetown Mall

Nice, clean, big. What more do you need to know. If you are shopping and have to crap, you are in good hands. Bathrooms conveniently located upstairs and downstairs.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Colonial Williamsburg

Tourist recreation of an old colonial town.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3

 




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