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New York Reviews

Crapping with the Donald! Our Mystery Crapper has visited some of the most well known spots in New York City to find the best and worst places to crap. Check out the reviews below and go in peace.

Upper East Side
Upper West Side
Midtown
Times Square/Broadway
Washington Square/Union Square
Soho
The East Village
The West Village
Downtown/Wall Street

Upper East Side

Takashamaya

Located on Fifth Avenue. For those of you in the know, this Japanese department store is one of the coolest stores in NYC. Very mod in style, they take their crapping seriously and didn't skimp on the decor. They provide a huge space (bigger than many NY apartments) and tremendous facilities. Tons of privacy and amenities makes this a dream come true. It is so nice, I am thinking of moving in! Pictures do not do this one justice. Our highest score yet!

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 5
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 5
Overall Rating = 5



Trump Tower

You would think that the Donald would offer a tremendous crapper in keeping with his reputation and lavish style. We are sorry to disappoint you but this very pedestrian facility was a true letdown to our expectations. While we are sure that the private facilites are greatly upgraded, the common visitor will have to settle for a crapper that might as well be in the NY subway. His crapper is no better than his hairdo. While we are big fans of the Donald, this experience definitely proves what we suspected—that he is full of crap!

User Friendliness = 2.5
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 2.5
Overall Rating = 2.5

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Upper West Side


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Midtown

Museum of Modern Art

This is a real work of modern art. Could have done more with the decor with all of that crappy modern art around. If someone leaves a toilet sculpture should you flush it or hang it on the wall. I'm not really sure.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Rockefeller Center

Ok, we just had to crap where Conan craps. However, after wandering the maze of Rock Center for 30 minutes we just couldn't find it. We actually had to track down a security guard to get to a crapper. To make things worse, he had to unlock it to let us in. If you ever want to play a sick joke on a friend, tell him to take a crap in this landmark of telelvision history.

User Friendliness = 0
Cleanliness = 2
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 2
Overall Rating = 2


NYC Public Library

This is an amazing building full of history and romance. Not to mention tons of homeless people using the facilities as their own private bathroom. This place will depress you but will do in a pinch.

User Friendliness = 1.5
Cleanliness = 1.5
Privacy = 1.5
Facilities = 1.5
Overall Rating = 1.5


Empire State Building

The pinnacle of NY crapping right? Wrong. This place is a real shithole catering to the millions of people who pass through the lobby and basement (where the elevator ride to the top leaves) like turds in an old rusty sewer pipe.

User Friendliness = 1.5
Cleanliness = 2
Privacy = 1.5
Facilities = 1.5
Overall Rating = 1.5


The Waldorf-Astoria

Best place to do it in the city--almost worth traveling to on a special trip. Other top spot favorite is Bergdorfs-there is a big sofa in the receiving room and a fulltime attendant- and Tiffanys Ladies room review only!
(submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 5
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 5
Overall Rating = 5


Citicorp Building Food Court

Located at 53rd and Lex. Has many stalls, no waiting time, and it is always stocked and clean. However, when you need it right away you may have to wait if it is closed for 15 minutes due to cleaning service. All things considered, cleanlines ranks high for me so I'd hang out. It's better than the Barnes & Noble on the concourses' second floor. (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 5
Privacy = 2
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Plaza Hotel

Gotta drop a load in Midtown Manhattan? Go to the bathroom downstairs below the main lobby. Open to the public. One of my favorite depositories in NYC. Actually any hotel in Midtown are above average. (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Saks Fifth Avenue

LOTS of privacy, and open to anyone passing by. (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 5
Overall Rating = 5


Bed, Bath & Beyond

The best bathroom I've ever been at in New York. The store is located near Lincoln Center. It's amazing! (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 5


Saka Gura Sake Bar

The toilets in this fabulous sake bar are housed inside giant wooden kegs. Nicely decorated with flowers and artwork. The toilets are the fancy Japanese kind, with a seat warmer, and water spray to hose off. Most times, the cleanliness rates 5 rolls, but sometimes late in a busy evening, the seat is less than pristine. You have the entire keg room to yourself, but if the water spray makes you giggle and squeal, folks outside may hear you. The ladies' room comes with a simple vanity set-up. I couldn't tell you what the mens' room is like inside. (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 5
Overall Rating = 5

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Times Square/Broadway

NASDAQ Market Site

This is where a lot of money flows so don't be surprised that we went to flow something else. Visit on Sunday when the tour is free and make sure to leave a deposit in their account. This tour only takes a few minutes but is very cool. Make sure to take a dump where your stocks did!

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


ESPNZone

A Times Square staple, this touristy place is actually a good place to grab some food and watch a ball game. Try to go during a European soccer match for a different spin. Definitely a safe haven for those Times Square emergency crapping needs.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Whiskey Bar - W Hotel

Shame on the W hotel for allowing this filthy disgusting bathroom in their basment bar. (submitted by CQ Reader)

UserFriendliness: 0
Cleanliness: 0
Privacy: 1
Facilities: 1
OverallScore: 0


Marriot Marquis

You have to take the elevator to the 8th Floor (which is actually the 1st floor). (submitted by CQ Reader)

UserFriendliness: 5
Cleanliness: 5
Privacy: 5
Facilities: 5
OverallScore: 5

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Washington Square/Union Square

Strand Bookstore

Located on 12th and Broadway. A NYC institution. 18 miles of books. Take a few books with you and enjoy the dungeon like atmosphere. With a water fountain and sink close by one could stay and browse the ample stacks and shelves of books (and crap) to your hearts content! (submitted by CQ Reader) www.strandbooks.com

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 2
Privacy = 2
Facilities = 2
Overall Rating = 2


Washington Square Public Toilet

I went in there to take a leak, and was surprised to see in the mirror, someone taking a dump on a throne next to the washbassin. There are about 4 or five more thrones, with no seats. The toilet paper hangs on a chain to the left of the thrones. There are NO stalls, and it seems that in Washington Square, taking a crap is a social activity. (submitted by CQ Reader)

User Friendliness = 0
Cleanliness = 0
Privacy = 0
Facilities = 0
Overall Rating = 0

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Soho

Soho Pizza Kitchen

Owned by the same people as Miami Beach's News Cafe and Van Dyke Cafe. Great food and a nice casual atmosphere. Toilets are convenient.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3

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The East Village


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The West Village

Jekyll & Hyde's

A CQ favorite! This theme restaurant boasts talking gargoyles, sphinxs and Frankenstein monsters as well as 300 beers from around the world and an awesome pumpkin raviolli. It also boasts one of the most interesting places in the world to crap. Guarded by a secret panel in the bookshelf, this crapper is world famous. Locals actually try to sit near the toilets so they can watch the tourists desperately search for the pooper. They have recently opened a newer version of this classic on Broadway near all of the other theme restaurants. Visit both if you get the chance. The food is good and moderately priced.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 3

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Downtown/Wallstreet


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