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Las Vegas Reviews

Las Vegas is known for many things—gambling, great food, fantastic shows, lively entertainment and naughty pleasures. Well we want to add fabulous crapping to that list. When The Mystery Crapper comes to town, they roll out the red carpet! We even made a guest appearance at the Palace. Magic, Mystery, Crapping! Even the Blueman Group got in on the act! We have broken down our reviews to cover the Strip, Downtown and outside Vegas. Enjoy and go in peace.

Vegas Strip
Vegas Downtown
Surrounding Areas


The Vegas Strip

Paris Hotel

Voted best place to crap in LV! Our highest rating. Plenty of stalls feature full doors. Artwork, tile, ceramic, privacy, and more all summed up in one word—elegance. A truly impressive monument to crapping (unlike the real Paris).

User Friendliness = 4.5
Cleanliness = 4.5
Privacy = 4.5
Facilities = 4.5
Overall Rating = 4.5


Hard Rock Hotel

Voted best place to meet chicks in LV! Ok, it is just off the Strip but worth the cab fare. This is where the Mystery Crapper parties and plays blackjack with the friendliest dealers in LV. What can we say about the crapper at the best place to pick up LV's hottest chicks or LA's hottest hookers just in for the weekend. This is a serious place to party in LV and the bar isn't bad either. The restroom is fine, just a little crowded at night when all of the onsite bars and restaurants are jumpin'. No other hotel/casino caters to the 20-30 something crowd like this place.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3



Venetian Hotel

I can't imagine finding a better bathroom anywhere!! I wish my bathroom was as clean (and nice) as this. This is the Roll-Royce of bathrooms. Not even an annoying attendant in here! An absolute pleasure to do business here!!! (Review by Kid D)

TMC Note: Recently added Club Vivid (shown left) bears further inspection and a repeat visit.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4


Drai's at the Barbary Coast

Voted best place to score X in LV! Drai's, for those in the know, is one of the hottest afterhours nightclubs in the city. Make sure to get their early as the lines get deeper and the doorman gets surlier. This is where those with lots of energy and money come to dance and be seen. The fact that it is in the Barbary Coast may throw you off. The crapping is up to par, which is important because there is almost no way to get back in the club if you have to leave. As for privacy, the other patrons are so juiced on X that they will never notice you blowing your trumpet in the stall next door. Voted best place to score drugs and the chicks who dig them.

User Friendliness = 2
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Mandalay Bay Hotel

Voted 2nd best place to crap in LV! This beautiful new hotel at the southern end of the strip (next to the Luxor across from the airport) is a magnificent example of the importance given to crapping by the LV hotel builders. The facility was big, clean and had great colors. Notice the overhead paddle fans that carry through the hotel's colonial theme. Privacy is great because the hotel still hasn't really been discovered by the masses. Great clubs like RumJungle and the House of Blues make partying fun. Also a great guest house band with two of the hottest chicks in show biz. Check out www.joesband.com).

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4.5
Privacy = 4.5
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4.5

BONUS - Random Reader Review
China Grill Restaurant- Mandalay Bay Hotel

Pass through the beaded pewter curtain into crapatorium. There are ten or so individual white kiosks, with their own locking doors. The everpresent restroom attendant will point you towards one, but he does not invade privacy at all because each kiosk becomes one's own personal Fortress of Solitude. The insides are virgin white and very clean. Userfriendliness is increased by television projected onto the white wall at eye level next to the porcelain throne. Sinks are also contained inside your personal kiosk. Overall, a topnotch experience. One point deducted for lack of a remote control for the idiot box.

User Friendliness = 5
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 5
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4.5


Luxor Hotel

Even modern day pharoahs need to crap and the Luxor is no slouch in that department. Must have had the same contractor as the Mandalay Bay as the stalls were almost identical. There is a big difference in the hotels though as the Luxor is a bit more pedestrian and there are not enough stalls for the size of the casino, in fact there was even a line in the middle of the day! The decor is much more average too. Pyramid lobby is awesome and well worth a visit. The light show at night with the beam is amazing too.

User Friendliness = 2.5
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 2
Overall Rating = 3



Luxor Hotel Blue Man Group Theater


You have probably seen Blue Man Group in those funky Intel commercials and wondered who they were. If you don't know who Blue Man Group is, they are a creative organization dedicated to creating exciting and innovative work in a wide variety of media. Their performances feature three enigmatic bald and blue characters who take the audience through a multi-sensory experience that combines theatre, percussive music, art, science and vaudeville into a form of entertainment that is like nothing else. In short, it's fun! We have seen BMG in Chicago and they now have their own permanent site in the Luxor Hotel. This is one show in Vegas that is worth the ticket.

www.blueman.com

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


MGM Grand Hotel

Voted best mega-hotel to actually stay in. We have stayed in many of the big hotels in Vegas, including Caesars, Paris, Treasure Island, etc. And MGM is the most tasteful. Very reasonable room rates and our favorite buffet too. The public restrooms are a good solid "3" on our scale. Make sure to say "hi" to the friendly shoe shine dude for us.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


New York New York Hotel

Voted worst mega-hotel to actually stay in. This is just an idea that doesn't translate well to a big hotel theme. For those who don't know, this hotel is modeled after turn of the century NYC streets. It is just too dark and dingy and overcrowded. All of the worst parts of NYC. We gave this one a low score in User Friendliness because it is just too hard to find. Felt way too much like a crapper in a NY subway (you can only take authenticity so far). That being said, there is no reason to fear going here.

User Friendliness = 2
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3



Monte Carlo Hotel

This is a good example of a lack of follow through. The hotel is suppossed to be a recreation of the grand style of Monaco and they just don't fully pull it off. There is just no Elvis here. On the positive side, there are nice wooden doors on the great number of stalls. Stalls are too close to the urinals. Overall though, nothing to fear here.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Bellagio Hotel

Voted most expensive crappers in LV! Marble is the order of the day at the Bellagio, and for $500+ a night this place better have a decent crapper. The good news is that the hotel has carried through its high-class theme to the crappers! Stalls feature real marble stall dividers, gold fixtures including the door handles, a nice entrance way and lots of tasteful artwork. Worth visiting just to take a crap!

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4.5
Overall Rating = 4



Rio Hotel

Voted 2nd best place to meet chicks in LV! Ok, it is just off the Strip but worth the cab fare. This corny Mardi Gras themed hotel turns out to actually be kind of cool. First, they a Cirque du Soleil type performance. And it all goes on above your heads in the Casino itself! Second, Club Rio is a great place to dance with LV hotties.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3




Palms Hotel

Ok, it is just off the Strip but worth the cab fare. Owned by the Malouf brothers, they have made this one of the hippest places to party in LV. With the Ghost Bar, Rain dance club and N9NE restaurant. These boys know cool and how to deliver it. Be prepared for long lines and attitude when trying to get in. The view from the deck of the Ghost Bar (55 stories above LV) is spectacular and well worth the effort.

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3


Caesars Palace Hotel

Voted best place for an orgy in LV in 1977! This is part of our "old-school" series. We have a special place in our hearts for Caesars and late nights at Cleopatra's Barge (that is a lounge voted best place to find a $1,000/night hooker) and hot tubs in the middle of your hotel room. Good solid crapping with nothing too fancy. Let it ride!

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3



Mirage Hotel

A well appointed foyer beckons you into this wonderful facility worthy of a high-roller. There are plenty of stalls with good separation. Stalls even have artwork. You can even get your shoes shined.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4



Treasure Island Hotel

Steve Wynn's follow up to the Mirage doesn't disappoint. there are plenty of well appointed stalls, complete with individual artwork. Spacious and clean.

User Friendliness = 4
Cleanliness = 4
Privacy = 4
Facilities = 4
Overall Rating = 4

Harrah's Hotel

Not too bad for this entry in our "old school" series. High traffic keeps ratings a little on the low side, but that means that this LV gem will be rocking for some time to come. Nothing to fear from this party place.

User Friendliness = 2.5
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 2.5
Facilities = 2.5
Overall Rating = 2.5


Flamingo Hotel

The fact that the crapper was under construction didn't help this next "old school" entry. Wacky bathroom attendant and strange layout makes this place somewhere to avoid compared to all the crapping palaces around. Will do in a pinch.

User Friendliness = 2
Cleanliness = 2.5
Privacy = 2
Facilities = 2
Overall Rating = 2


Bally's Hotel

It is a crime that this "old school" standard has fallen onto such hard times in the crapping department. The first crapper's horrible stalls were all full—one with a dead man (Just off the registration desk)! To give them a fair chance, we went to the bigger facility in the middle of the casino which was better. They had real towels to dry your hands but a bathroom attendant was handing them out. Try to avoid this scary experience if possible. We gave them a score of "1" out of sympathy just for having a toilet.

User Friendliness = 0
Cleanliness = 0
Privacy = 0
Facilities = 1
Overall Rating = 1

The Tropicana Hotel

Another "old school" entry. Telly Savalas' ghost still haunts the "Trop" voted best place to catch a venereal disease. Are you kiddin' me? Who loves ya' baby! We gave them a score of "1" out of sympathy.

User Friendliness = 0
Cleanliness = 0
Privacy = 0
Facilities = 1
Overall Rating = 1



Excalibur Hotel

Simply a good solid "3" in our book. Nothing fancy in this land of Merlin. Watch out for those pesky dragons and guys running around in purple tights!

User Friendliness = 3
Cleanliness = 3
Privacy = 3
Facilities = 3
Overall Rating = 3

 




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