Enjoy our glossary of the World's Longest List of
Turd Terms and crapping terminology and submit your own to share
with millions of crappers around the world. Many new Turds come
from our devoted readers!! Don't miss out on your chance to participate!!!
And make sure to see the Rejects at the bottom
of the page.
- Stiff and forced. Keep it in a lock box for safe keeping.
- You never know when or where you encounter
this shape shifting gem. It is what society needs more ofgivers.
|Apollo 13 -
Houston, we have a problem! Launch this rocket-shaped crap into
outerspace and pray your ass doesn't burn up on re-entry!
When you are Dropping a Deuce so big and wide that you think
its the end of the world.
When flushed you can hear it yell "I"ll BE BACK"!
- Why is the wallpaper curling off? Do
NOT go in there!
|Atomic Bomb - A
squirty shit phart so loud that your whole house blows up and
an eternel stench is on u for eternity. Think on the bright
side...no school for a while!!!
- Looks like a babies arm.
|Barbarians at the
Gate - Hold on for dear life as
you barely make the rim!
- A poop so thick and mighty that
it jack lifts you off the toilet seat like a barbershop chair.
- The force of the turd is so great it not only splashes your
ass but hits your face.
|Battle of the Bulge
- You swear you have a 2 foot log pushed
from your opening but still it bulges forth without dropping.
Grap a weapon, stand a post, and wage the Battle of the Bulge!
- For all you poo, this crap's for you.
Anheuser Busch meets Godiva in this messy sludge match.
- Lands just right to wash you out afterwards.
- Bite down on a wooden spoon, keep pushing
and know the feeling of child birth!
Push! Breath! Push! Breath! Congratulations, it's a - crap!?
Four hours of labor well spent.
- The Shopper's Holiday, when every thanksgiving
meal rears its ugly head in the store of your choosing, get
there early and get in line!
|Blow Mud -
50% liquid-50% forced gas renders toilet in a spackled texture
|Bomb Run to Berlin
(BTB) - This can differ from lots
of pebble dashers to a few Boston Danglers (see below) and when
the time comes and you drop your load, you won't want to be
anywhere near it.
- It just won't let go, and has to be removed
with a big length of toilet paper so as not to get one's hands
The type of turd that stretches your poor asshole to the maximum
capacity and sometimes further. Comes out as the roundest, hardest
ball that is so heavy that when it hits the water it's a massive
tidal wave that hits it's former home. Wipe Out!
|Bowel Matrix: Reloaded
- $250 million in special effects can't change the fact that
it is still simply crap.
|Break Off -
When it breaks off and your left with a chunk of it between
your cheeks, causing you to either wiggle it free, or if really
desperate, get a handful of paper, and scoop it out, evoking
memories of using clay in art class at high school.
- We all know that the Royals are a tight
ass bunch. This is true both sociologically and anatomically.
They are soo tight assed that their sphincter muscles are flexed
to the maximum, thus preventing the accidental release of air.
However, after a Royal Pig out on Bangers and Mash
I am told by the Royal Potty Porter the Royals quietly
disappear to the Royal Loos for rides on the Royal Ivory Ponies.
Seated in correct and proper Royal Posture the ritual of a Royal
Poop commences. Back to the Bangers and Mash. Apparently, B
& M upon entering the Royal Belly sets off a chemical reaction
similar to methane production in a garbage dump. Such chemistry
creates a massive if not exponential build up of gas based pressure.
Pressure, as we all know, is a scalar quantity, not a vector
quantity. It has a magnitude but no direction associated with
it. However, Royal Pressure whilst in the Royal Potty Position
and on the Royal Ivory Pony, when coupled with a tightly contricted
sphincter, pressure becomes directional. It all starts with
a high frequency sound as flatulence forces its way to freedom.
Then, at once, firkin lift off. The Royal Sphincter gives way
and the Royal Arse fires several rounds, in stucatto fashion,
not unlike rapid fire from a double barrel shotgun and kills
the Royal Ivory Pony. The Royal sphincter flapping wildly during
this barrage immediately shuts closed like a trap door and the
Royal delightfully utters yes, quite well done Id
- It may be pretty, but MAN does
Bomb Waterworld - When you
drop a bunch of little "splashers".
- Small little pellets that smell like brie and Wine Coolers.
Perfect for the country club or the wine and cheese soiree.
- Penetrates deep into the bowl before
exploding and taking out all life forms.
|Butt Nugget Blizzard
- An oblivious storm of dinkleberries everywhere you'll like
the blizzard of 1888. You'll need 2 bowls for this one ass patty
asteroid when its a whole bunch of turds combined followed by
aftershock of serious liquid butt juice like freakin armagedeon.
- Jambalaya, Crawfish, Oysters, Red Beans
and Rice, lots of alcohol. Shaken not Stirred. Comes out kind
of green and lumpy like a drug induced road trip to New Orleans.
Need we say more?
- This is a round mound that rebounds.
- Careful, this one is likely to end up on your bathroom floor
after a drunken night out!! Sssshhh. Don't tell your roommate.
This tragic disaster can sound like a cross between an angry
russian yelling expletives and a neclear explosion. Characteristics
include a burning sensation like the fires if hades, a greenish
glow, and an unusually pungent "burnt rubber" smell.
Warning - this type of turd abomination is known to cause birth
- Ooey, gooey, thick and sticky. Get the
sandblaster - paper won't make a dent in this mess.
- Nothing compares to the ecstasy
of a satisfying dump without a lengthy, messy clean up.
- You got to push so hard to get this one out, you grab the
sides of the toilet seat to help you hang on!
- Can't shake this pesky critter.
|Cloud 9 - When
you've got a full tank and you finally have the opportunity
to release this spawn, it goes out so easy. No pain, lots of
- Used when a "cleanup"
is needed at a place of business.
So that's what my intestines are shaped like!
- Trying to stop ass sponsored terrorism. All negotiations are
Such beautiful music accompanying your efforts!
- Pokes out and gives your pants a kiss
right on the seam, leaving a nice stain behind.
- This blood-sucking crap requires the
darkness of night to be brought forth from its coffin of the
When your ass sends a message to your brain "You have 30
seconds to find a bathroom....29.....28....27...(etc)."
Causing you to
hold your ass cheeks together so tight while running to the
nearest toilet that the first few turds are actually diamonds.
This is usually following a bran muffin and coffee the morning
after a night of heavy drinking.
|Crap el de Tour
- When you pinch a loaf so big at any public
restroom on a trip in the middle of a jungle everyone stops
and takes pictures and says oohh ahhhh.
- Hook some electrodes to this crap and scream, "It's Alive!"
as it rises from the murky water to terrorize the townsfolk.
Grab the flaming torches and pitchforks!
- When your crap is so interesting
that you are compelled to take pictures of it and sell them
to the tabloids.
- It requires a very special mix of gas and liquid dung.
- Agonising turd that originates from
"Down Under" and is a big enough pain in the ass to make you
cry "Crikey" as you snap it off.
- A fine mist is suddenly expelled to dust
the entire bowl and water surface with a thin layer of crap.
Looks like another bumper crap, I mean crop.
- A three day dingleberry that you didn't
find the last time you took a dump. Now you can't even get it
off with a spatula.
- Your ass foams like it's rabid. Usually at the end of a hot
- You look down between your legs and it is looking back at
- With a smooth stallion out of
the chute another comes out of nowhere and they're off!!!! Two
for the price of one! And an easy cleanup to boot!
|Dairy Queen or DQ
one wraps around the inside of the bowl like a DQ Blizzard.
- The latest in high-tech warfare, this powerful bomb will spray
shrapnel all over the bowl ensuring that there are no survivors.
- Bounces on the water and leaves a nice
skid mark on the porcelyn.
|David & Goliath
- A small pellet followed by a massive log of biblical proportions!
|Dead Man Walking
- When you're walking home and you get a turtle head. Still
about a mile from your house, but you can't hold on any longer!
What WILL you do? You know that running will simply dislodge
it into your underwear, but walking won't get you home fast
- A stool of immense proportions.
|Deploy the Troops!
- Also known as "wet cheeks"
or "power dump". It comes out of your ass so fast
that your bum cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. Is
it some kind of poo revenge?
|Die Hard -
3 flushes later and it's still staring up at you with that silly
grin... Do you expect me to flush? No, Mr. Turd, I expect you
- The voyage is over. Time to disembark.
- The stench emitted from this, if produced
at the workplace could see you receive the sack, or court martial.
- Giant one that offers much resistance and leaves you feeling
like a million lira afterward.
- Giant one that offers no resistance and leaves you feeling
like a million bucks afterward.
|Don't Be Sad, This
Isn't Goodbye -
The poo that comes after eating corn. Don't be sad about eating
that last delicious kernel of corn. It will miraculously appear
in your stool later unharmed!
- The name is taken from a popular lice
cream chocolate topping that hardens upon contact with ice cream.
A rare occurrence whereby oils or waxes incorporated in food
products are liquid at body temperature but solidify upon contact
with cool latrine water forming a translucent floating solid
shell or mat. This happened to one CQ reader after eating several
Tagalong Girl Scout Cookies. One hypothesis suggests the substance
causing this phenomenon is an oil or wax used to allow even
distribution of the cookies chocolate coating.
a Deuce - It's simple but
effective. Deuce obviously refers to a Number 2 if you are blonde
and dont understand.
|Drop The Chalupa
- Usually happens when there is no restroom in sight.
|Drowning Chocolate Slugs
It's tough, rugged and makes you walk funny, Pilgrim.
- When you take a Shit and it is so thick
and lumpy it cracks open your ass farther than ever.
|El Rancho Grande
- Or should we say, El Crappo Grande.
Inspired by that favorite Mexican restaurant that you keep going
back to even though there is hell to pay later. (Location: Lincoln
Rd. and Penn Ave. on South Beach)
- The onset of leg and hip shaking during a live performance
of defecating, Often accompanied by an "Uh-huh-huh' vocalisation
and involuntary curling of the lip!
- Comes out with suffecient mass,
inertia, and speed to move you sideways in time (usually after
two bannanas and a strong cup of coffee).
- It keeps going and going and going!!
- You try to flush it but the lady of the lake just keeps holding
|Fifty Thousand Watt
Famous among night radio DJ's who live on cold pizza and Taco
Bell. Covers 12 surrounding states, interferes with local TV
reception and can be heard everywhere!
- A funfilled game where you keep score
of floaters and sinkers. Finally something for those bass fishing
and nascar fans to be good at.
Unsinkable. Usually requires multiple flushes.
- So slick you don't even have to wipe. Eeeeeehhhhhh!
|Food Baby -
Thus it was overheard: ARRRGGH! MY FOOD BABY'S HEAD IS CROWNING!
- This one's been brewing all day and when
you finally have the opportunity to exorcise this demon seed,
you feel like you've just dropped a bomb comparable to Nagaski.
But when you go to relish in your victory, all you see are the
|Francis Ford Crappolla
- The Godfather of all craps!
|Friday the 13th
- No matter how many times you flush it,
it just keeps coming back.
|Friendly Fire -
Pieces-parts o' poo that riccochet off of the porcelain and
back at the mothership.
|Funky Butt Strut
- Dance created on the way to the kitchen
for a paper towel cuz there's no TP.
There's no TP. You gotta know when to hold 'em and know when
to fold 'em.
It's hard, black and mean.
|Genghis Khan's Revenge
- This is what happens soon after over
eating at your favorite all you can eat chinese buffet. This
powerful conquerer can appear in many forms and without warning,
making this type of off loading one of the most feared of all
- It's a lean mean stinking machine.
|Get My Brown On
- When alerting others to my impending
|Ghost Turd -
After you crap, you wipe your butt and NO evidence of crapping
(skidmarks) is on the toilet paper!
- Created when the excessive indulgence
of alcohol causes a splattered release of a fermented, fecal,
broth that appears to include parts of your internal organs.
Big, red and curvy.
- Just when you think you're out, it pulls you back in!
- When the urge hits you all of
a sudden and you say "Oh Golly!" then try to run to
the bathroom while pinching your butt-cheeks together and it
makes you wobble.
- Has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe twelve times and
you still don't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper
in you underwear, so that you don't stain it. Leaves permanent
skid marks on the toilet.
- Tag the bowl with your ass spray.
- This crap seems to have been dead and
entombed for centuries. What evil force has brought it back
to life! At last we have the answer to the age old question.
|Greaser - Usually
on a hot summers day. Slips out like a log on a waterfall.
- This dutiful doody is a marvel for all
to behold. Its construction is a mystery. It is easy to distinguish
by its shape and pointed top which peaks above the water line.
This is a requirement for classification of greater. Lesser
pyramids peak below water level and are of lesser significance.
- So scary..... , must drink several glasses of grape kool-aid
to awaken the Green Ghost.
- You know you had way too many peas.
That is when your underpants threads cling to the log and it
looks like its bearded.
- If it comes out of its hole its going
to be an early dash for the toilet. Puxatony Phil has met his
|Growing a Tail
- Youíve been incubating this one
all day. Now itís finally here! Get that tape measure ready!
As in ďIíve been growing a tail all day!Ē
- After working out and running on the
treadmill and stairmaster this one is all churned up and ready
to work you out.
- A turd that hangs half in, half out your ass until you want
to grab the dental floss for easy clean cut relief.
|Hangman's Noose -
A turd that hangs half in, half out your ass.
Looks tough but just makes a lot of fuss and noise. Probably
trying to compensate for having a small penis.
|Heave a Havana
- May need a cigar clipper with this brute.
|Herdin' Water Buffalo
- The water is brown from the partial liquid
poo you forced out, while the remainder floats around with their
brown backs stickin out like water buffalo in a dirty river.
- Uncontrollable diarrhea.
When your ass explodes, oibliterating the porcelyn below. Usually
at worst when suffering from food poisoning.
|Hobo's Trail Mix
- This spectacular nugget consists of corn, peanuts and good
old fashioned fudge.One of these treats will keep a panhandler
up and kicking till dawn. Available at most gas stations.
- Pure perfection and God's blessing.
|Holy Trinity -
The father, the son and the holy ghost...massive yule log, followed
by a pebble, followed by a release of gas. Bless yourself and
|Horses at the Gate
- Hold on for dear life as you barely make
|Hot Dog with Ketchup
- Bloody mess. Call the doctor.
- It could check out any time it likes, but it never leaves.
- It just sits there smiling at you annoyingly, and when you
think you have flushed it for good, it comes right back up,
again and again. See also Jude Law.
- The stiky mess you get from Chinese food.
- So hard and wide that to remove it painlessly you must open
your asshole briefly, letting it out in segments.
|Hunt for Brown October
- The act of seeking out and destroying
a U-Bend U-Boat.
|Indian Vindaloo Poo
(A.K.A. Red-Ring Special) - Just
as hot going out as it is going in. The second your cheeks touch
the seat your ass goes down for a drink.
- It may be locked away for good, pray the parole board rules
in your favor!
- Before heading to the bathroom you grab the heaviest book
on the shelf since you know this where your going to be spending
the next hour or so.
|Ireland Isle -
A greenish mass of reprocessed corn beef
and cabbage with a nose of Guinness and peat moss that sounds
like a screaming leprechaun as it exits your butt hole, followed
by a sigh of "Jasus that was grand indeed was it not!"
AKA The Irish, Emerald Isle, Irish Eyes Are Smilin'
|IRS Audit -
You had a hard labor, and gave birth to a 9 lb turd. So you
named it, and claimed it as a dependent.
|It's a Boy!
- When you think you're done with that sucker, you lower your
hand to wipe and it comes out unexepectedly, covering your hand.
- Feels good, so good, I've dropped you!
- Down from the pot came a bubbling crude.
- A turd so sly, slick, and rebellious
that he refuses to follow his little friends down the toilet.
- Hickory dickory dock, this one goes over
like a rock.
- It just sits there smiling at you annoyingly, and when you
think you have flushed it for good, it comes right back up,
again and again. See also Hugh Grant.
- Smooth going down with a little bit of zip.
|KFC (Kentucky Fried
Crap) - Featuring 11 herbs and spices.
Original or hot and spicy?
- Like passing a brick wearing a
blonde wig and a derby, it's as painful as being forced to listen
to Kid Rock singing and playing country riffs for eternity.
- a huge turd that blocks the bend and
holds back the tide of flush, causing the toilet to overflow!
- Bright red and definitely funky.
|King Kong's Finger
- A turd big enough to flatten a car.
- No amount of butt wobbling or cheek slamming can dislodge
this determined brown alien.
|Last Port o Call
- See a friend off to sea.
|Leave One on the Front
Porch - When you leave a steamer
on the lid.
|Leave One on the Pitch
- When you leave a steamer on the seat.
- When they stack up so nice and uniformly in the potty, you
want to save it as an example.
- Yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt, splatters
all over the inside of the toilet bowl, the whole time chronically
burning your tender anus.
- A crap so out of the oridinary, that
its not quite a brick, but not quite liquid. All you have is
the loose change.
- Term for a particularly wet poop.
- You have the runs all day and never quits.
- When you end up decorating the
entire bowl with feces.
- A turd of normal girth but such extraordinary hardness and
uneven surface that it feels like your crapping a little toy
|McDonalds Mens Room
Special - You've been saving this
one all week since you bought that burger with the chicken beak
in it, but the toilets are so badly clogged already that you
can't park you arse anywhere to let it out. You end up in hospital
with a vacuum cleaner in your rectum.
Visiting the bogs in a fast food restaurant with no intention
of buying food. If challenged by a suspicious manager, the assurance
of a food purchase after toilet visit is known as a McShit
|McShit With Lies
- If challenged by a suspicious manager at a fast food restaurant,
the assurance of a food purchase after toilet visit.
- Upon completeing defecation, wiping,
pulling pants up, and stating "mission accomplished",
a sudden feeling in the chamber of horrors, of a job only half
- It's lodged in there for good. Even Tom Cruise couldn't blast
his way out!
- You have to do an old soft shoe
routine to shake this one loose.
- When you bend over to pick up
a coin on the ground and a huge turd flies out at an unbelievable
- You feel the crap of a lifetime
coming on. You reach the toilet and push out a b.b pellet at
|Mud Shark -
This formidible bowel is feared by tidy bowl men everywhere.
It is slippery, stinks and is a good swimmer. This water loaf
circles the bowl in search of prey as its fin floats around
above water. Wipe quick, this one's got a bite.
Too much Mexican food? Hang on to the seat and make sure your
insurance is up to date.
Your assets are tumbling out of control. Much paperwork awaits
the end of this session.
- Like Keanu Reeves, it's stiff
and painful to watch.
- When you've dropped your payload and recieve a wet kiss from
king neptune himself, AKA a bit of splashback!
|Nightmare on the Toilet
Seat - You must be dreaming 'cause
you've never experience this kind of pain while awake.
|Nine Inch Nail
- "Head like a hole, Black as your
soul, I would rather die than give you control!"...... My apologies
to Trent Reznor....(perhaps this is what the song was really
- So jagged and nutty that it must be manouvered
out with careful ass cheek movements.
|Ol' Poo Eyes
- This one croons out and can bring a tear
to your eye. Usually after a good nite of drinking, you look
deep into the bowl and can see old poo eyes...
- This ageless classic will present a riddle
for you as its odd shaped and hypnotic sounds set your mind
in a daze as you watch them play in the chocolate pools almost
like a ballet.
|Osama Bin Laden
- An ugly little bastard that keeps showing
an hiding its self in your ass. Where'd the slippery little
bugger go? Goes missing without a trace.
- A lovely golden turd, upon delivery it
will leave a tear in your eye and anyone in the trap next to
- All that good Cuban food goes in and
greasy, nasty and smelly shit comes out.
- That after meal explosion that peels
wall paper, brings tears to your eyes and clears out a bathroom
for an hour. It defies any air freshener.
- 5 rolls later, and there's still evidence - brother, can you
spare a square?
|Part My Hair
|Pate De Fois Gray
- Fluffy gray soup which is unpleasant
to pass and smell, and will disgust even the culprit, who with
a normal poo would be accustomed to the smell and would not
- Would you like to buy a bowel?
- So pointy, you could keep your golf score
Stands up in the toilet to peek out!
- You know it came out, but you don't see it in the bowl!
- Makes you wonder what this reader was
- What you name your poop when you force
it out with so much force that part of your intestine comes
out with it.
- When you have a turtle head so bad you
can actually use it as an extra leg to hobble around on.
|Place an Order with
Mr. Softee -
Nice and smooth one that spirals around the bowl.
One that you have been holding all day, and when it finally
comes out you drop a stone cold rock followed by a rush of liquid
fire!!!!! Holding turd too long can harden doodie and when the
dam opens all hell breaks loose!!!
- You are wondering what the other guy's
got in the seat next to you as he rips one out after another
and seems to be straining painfully as the air hangs around
you like a bad suit. Can only be played in public restrooms.
|Pop A Vein In Your
Forehead - This is the kind of poo
that killed Elvis! It doesn't want to come out until you're
all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard!!!
- After you flush, the work of art left
on the bottom of the bowl is awe-inspiring and after your death
will draw many admirers.
- So dry and clogged from too much MetRx that you moan and groan
at the top of your lungs as you try to clean and jerk this monster.
- When your turd is popping in and out
of your schpincter, like a large furry rodent avoiding aerial
- It's Big, Black, Muscular, and stretches
your asshole until you get more crack than Harlem.
- A turd that is slowly creeping out, see's
it shadow and slithers back up. Six more weeks of constipation!!!
When your turd is so long you don't know whether to flush it
or whack it with a shovel.
- Is that your final squeeze?
|Reporting for Duty
- Upon finding a suitable trap,
drop trousers, present your ass to the bowl and salute, exclaiming
"Reporting for Doody", and then deliver something
smooth, slick with a good bit of hair.
- Your cycling as fast as you can, then
you sprint to the bowl and drop your "runs" into the
|Riding the Clutch
- The hovering state between releasing
the pace car and making skidmarks in ones pants.
- So clean you don't even have to wipe
but you do anyway.
- A lumpy turd full of vedge. This
clenses your arse upon contact with the bog.
- All you Spanish speakers out there know
what we're talking about. Don't mess with Don Francisco. Usage:
I need to take a Sabado Gigante.
- The hunt for WMD - weapon of mass defecation
- so bad is that smell that it leaves an aftertaste in your
mouth for hours. The only way to get rid of it is to go walk
around goat feces at the petting zoo.
- Inspired by the bowel cleansing experience from eating too
many fish tacos with stupid sauce. (Location: Washington Ave.
and 14th Street on South Beach)
Deploys into the realm of the toilet, and disappears without
When you know it will come with such a force that you have to
buckle up first.
- You're all done wiping and you're about
to stand up when you realize...... you've got some more.
- The gravel left at the bottom of the bowl when one flush just
|Set to Sail
- The jib and mainsail are hoisted. Time
- Feel it cling, feel it grip, shake your booty and give it
Usually only when you were way "over-served" the nite
before or are getting sick, but when you sit down to shit and
its so runny that you
essentially piss outta your ass.
|Short Term Lease
- This usually happens at work, not by you but by one of your
co-workers. Everytime you need to use the toilet there has been
a spray of pellets and shrapnel on the bowl. Damned if you can
find the culpret though!
- A poo so funny in shape or so large that you have to let someone
else see it before you flush it away!
- Ever had to wipe your entire ass afterwards? Pieces-parts
o' poo that riccochet off of the porcelain and back at the mothership.
- When you get a good size turd that comes out in one smooth
push. There is no turtle, minimal splash if any and you don't
use half a role of paper cleaning up after you're done.
|Simu-Turd or Simu-Dump
- You think you have to go but don't.
|Sir Dumps Alot
- I take big dumps and I cannot
lie. A funky odor I will not deny. When you see me heading for
the bathroom door, brothers just move aside.
Hot! Hot! Hot! Lay off the Tabasco and Jalapenos, dude.
Will it ever end? Hand me a pillow and check back in an hour.
|Slim Fast -
You lose ten pounds in 30 seconds. Caution, rapid weight loss
may cause dizziness!
|Smurf Butt -
In porto dukers the force of the turd is so great the blue liquid
splashes all over staining your butt.
- When your turd is so long you don't know whether to flush
it or whack it with a shovel.
|Snake Charmer - It
wraps around the bowl so many times you'll need a flute to charm
this one down.
- Swirled up like a chocolate ice cream treat.
- After encountering this pile alls you
can say is "howdy doo".
- A bowl splattering Mexican meal from the previous night mixed
with several cervesas. Sure to cover the bowl and half way up
- Sprays out as quick as lightning... and you can TRULY leave
your mark on an overpass!
- Hurry..... Call an ambulace, tell them to bring the jaws of
life, this baby doesn't want to come out!
|Stand and Deliver
- Your bowels are so crammed, any attempt
at sitting down causes excruciating pain. Getting rid of this
mega-grogan cleanly requires extraordinary balance and aim.
- This is the poop that is slightly larger
than the exit orafice and round in shape wether it be sphearical
or cylindrical. It is a tricky poop indeed as it makes you think
you have a massive job ahead of you. Namely replacing the toilet
due to the large hole the projectile made during expulsion,
or the shower you will have to take after you receive the biggest
kiss from neptune you have ever gotten. The kind you would have
liked to have neptune meet your parents first before administering.
|St. Elmo's Fire
- That chili pepper is hotter coming out than going in! Caution
- don't use water to put out a grease fire!!
|Stocking the Pond with Brown
So intense you sit for an hour after you're done.
- A unit so massive, that it's tail disappears
into the drain, and it's head rests lazily on the "beach" (dry
- The ones that don't "swim" (float) will "drown" (sink), therefore,
not passing the swim test!
|Taking the Browns to the
- This is far and away your greatest write
off. Might want to keep this one handy in case you are ever
audited concerning your charitable donations. (See Write Off).
|Teflon Coated Turd
- Comes out so slick, clean and easy that
you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the toilet paper.
You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it!
- It's the length of a telephone
pole, goes on for miles until the end when you get to the agonizing
cross ties. Some die from this.
- She's bitter and evil. She lures
you in with false hope then smashes you down like the dog you
are. You wait hoping for release but it never comes.
|Ten Pound Baby Brown
- Congratulations! You just became the proud father of a ten
pound child. Lot of sweating and pushing, leading to mental
and physical exaustion. This turd was so big and such a workout
that no woman can ever tell you that you have no idea what it's
like to give birth.
- You swear you've been sitting there for
an hour just squeezing the damn thing out, and its STILL oozing
- When a turd pokes its head out and hits your underwear.
- Letting Mr Brown touch the water before
"biting" it off and letting it swim.
The father, the son and the holy ghost...massive yule log, followed
by a pebble, followed by a release of gas. Bless yourself and
A poo so funny in shape or so large that you decide to have
it stuffed and mounted for display on the mantlepiece.
- Its created when water-logged dingle-berries are dislodged
into the currents of a luxurious, swirling bathtub.
- Where the poo is hangin outta your ass like a turtles head
out of a shell! The little turd is touching your gruds!
Floating Object) - You could swear
on your life that you didn't eat anything resembling what has
popped out the other end.
- When Your Friend Or Neighbor pisses you
off so bad, you use their bathroom and leave one in the top
part of the tank. No matter how many times they flush, the essence
- Did I do that?
This dessert is gonna cause all kinds of hell! It's quite easy
make, but ya gonna need have to eat a lot of Vietnamese food.
Your main ingredient is a nice 6 inch. Follow by some chocolate
syrup-aka "diareah". Then you can decorate it any way you like.
I especially like mine with corn!!!!
A poo so runny that when your friends are in the other room
it sounds like you are washing you hands.
- Spongy and floating.
- A very unreliable turd, it can be sitting
minding it's own business one minute, and sitting in your boxers
- You sit there all cramped up and fart
a few times. You hope and pray but no poo.
|WMD (Weapon of Ass
Destruction) - GW's favorite lump
can be in a variety of forms. Usually ASSociated with hemerhoids.
Over doing the pumpkin seeds is also a known contributer. If
the inspectors can't find who left this bloody pile you can
usually spot who dropped it by their pained anemic look.
|WMD (Weapon of Mass
Defecation) - This is really what
Saddam was hiding - crap.
|Write Off -
This is far and away your greatest tax deduction. Might want
to keep this one handy in case you are ever audited concerning
your charitable donations. (See Tax Deduction)
|Yao Ming -
Big, massive, and makes you kind of slant eyed.