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Crouching Tiger, Hidden Crapper
Crapping at the TPC at Sawgrass


CQ's own roving reporter Jerry Atrick
poses at the first tee before crapping.


If you gotta crap outside, then 'The
Homesteader' is the place to go!


'Tent City' added a new twist to the old Port-O-Pot, but it was still a Port-O-Pot.


Spacious, yet filthy. Handicrapping in the great outdoors.


A lonely, jealous Pot sits in the shadow of the mighty "Homesteader"

Recently the Mystery Crapper headed to Ponte Vedra Beach, FL for The Players Championship. Although it's not officially a major (yet), the tournament boasts a perennial who's who in the world of professional golf. Played on the gorgeous Stadium Course at the TPC at Sawgrass, this contest draws thousands of fans from all over the country—many of whom had to crap.

Teamed up with CQ's senior crapping correspondent, Jerry Atrick, the Mystery Crapper gorged himself on hotdogs, peanuts, pulled-pork sandwiches and beer and then challenged the course like no golfer ever has. Fortunately for those in need, the TPC provides championship-level crapping facilities throughout the course.

The first thing we noticed was the wide variety of crappers at Sawgrass. The most impressive was a small, wooden structure that brought the comfort of indoor crapping outdoors. We named this facility "The Homesteader". Although the space was cramped and the traffic heavy, it beat sitting in a Port-O-Pot hands down.

The next type of facility we dubbed "Tent City". Tent City was basically a tented area containing a large number of Port-O-Pots. Crapping here was what you'd expect of a Port-O-Pot, but with much activity just outside the door. We feel putting a tent around this type of crapper is like putting a dress on Charles Manson - it simply doesn't change the nature of the beast.

Finally, there were the scattered single Port-O-Pots. While providing the most privacy, which still wasn't much, the single Pot was predictably a smelly, hot, cramped dirty crapper. One nice derivative of the single Pot was the single handicapped Port-O-Pot for those in need of handicrapping. Large and spacious though it was, let's face it - it was still a smelly, hot, dirty crapper.

The Mystery Crapper was surprised to note that golf fans keep their crappers no cleaner than WWF fans. Disrespect for crapping facilities must be universal amongst sports fans.

Uh, oh! A twinge in the bowels! Fore!!!!!!!


The giant golf ball at the entrance to the Stadium Course welcomes crappers from all over the country.


Plenty of TP at the TPC!!


Does a tiger crap in the woods? Or does Tiger Woods crap off the edge of the 17th green!?


The official awarding of the coveted "Crapper of the Year" trophy on the 18th green.



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