the Mystery Crapper headed to Ponte Vedra Beach, FL for The Players
Championship. Although it's not officially a major (yet), the
tournament boasts a perennial who's who in the world of professional
golf. Played on the gorgeous Stadium Course at the TPC at Sawgrass,
this contest draws thousands of fans from all over the countrymany
of whom had to crap.
up with CQ's senior crapping correspondent, Jerry Atrick, the
Mystery Crapper gorged himself on hotdogs, peanuts, pulled-pork
sandwiches and beer and then challenged the course like no golfer
ever has. Fortunately for those in need, the TPC provides championship-level
crapping facilities throughout the course.
first thing we noticed was the wide variety of crappers at Sawgrass.
The most impressive was a small, wooden structure that brought
the comfort of indoor crapping outdoors. We named this facility
"The Homesteader". Although the space was cramped and
the traffic heavy, it beat sitting in a Port-O-Pot hands down.
next type of facility we dubbed "Tent City". Tent City
was basically a tented area containing a large number of Port-O-Pots.
Crapping here was what you'd expect of a Port-O-Pot, but with
much activity just outside the door. We feel putting a tent around
this type of crapper is like putting a dress on Charles Manson
- it simply doesn't change the nature of the beast.
Finally, there were the scattered single Port-O-Pots. While providing
the most privacy, which still wasn't much, the single Pot was
predictably a smelly, hot, cramped dirty crapper. One nice derivative
of the single Pot was the single handicapped Port-O-Pot for those
in need of handicrapping. Large and spacious though it was, let's
face it - it was still a smelly, hot, dirty crapper.
Mystery Crapper was surprised to note that golf fans keep their
crappers no cleaner than WWF fans. Disrespect for crapping facilities
must be universal amongst sports fans.
oh! A twinge in the bowels! Fore!!!!!!!