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Welcome to 2007!
2006 was an incredible year
for the gang at CQ and 2007 is going to be an
even better one. We are currently working on a
major behind the scenes overhaul of the CQ site.
For all of you that have sent in submissions for
the Glossary and Random Reviews, we thank you.
They will be posted eventually once we get the
new system up and running. So don't fret. The
site will be even easier to access and submit
material for inclusion. Enjoy! —TMC
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Spring Is In
The Air. Time for Anal Bleaching! UPDATE!
In our last edition, we told
you about a new trend that was sweeping the nation.
Now we have found a company selling anal lightening
products. Is your Wink Pink? CQ went deep undercover
to determine if this new phenomenon is fact or fiction,
myth or reality. We interviewed salon owners, discovered
products and much more. You will be shocked at what
we found. This is the very first real dirt on what
goes on behind closed doors. Go> |
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Me So Horny! Is the Waxing Salon
the New Massage Parlor?
Me so horny, me love you
long time. Recently, we became aware of a new
technique being used by prostitutes and Johns
to avoid suspicion. Read more in our exclusive
expose'. Go>
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The ButtCandle - The Gentler
Alternative to Enemas?
ButtCandles™
are an exciting, and time honored, device for
internal cleansing. We encourage you to peruse
our site, read the referenced medical literature,
and then make an informed decision as to whether
you want to purchase our high-quality sanitary
products. Go>
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Check Out the
New Release of "Speed Hump" by Hand Painted
Swinger
Hand Painted Swinger is currently
promoting their latest CD, "Speed Hump"
(cover photo supplied by CQ) and are playing a limited
number of live shows throughout the DC, VA, and
MD area to entertain their fans. Come on out to
the next show and check them out for yourself. Go> |
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Codemasters
to cause one hell of a stink with free web games
starring cult characters "The Turds".
It's time to cut the crap and
see what life is like beyond the toilet bowl as
Codemasters announces the signing of the cult character
brand The Turds for its casual gaming portfolio.
The games will feature on a dedicated Turds gaming
site, accessible via Funsta.com. Go> |
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Bristol Stool
Scale
The Bristol Stool Scale or
Bristol Stool Chart is a medical aid designed to
classify the faeces form into seven groups. It was
developed by Heaton and Lewis at the University
of Bristol and was first published in the journal
Scand J Gastroenterol in 1997. Because the form
of the stool depends on the time it spends in the
colon, there is a correlation between the colonic
transit time and the stool type. Go> |
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Four Eyes Joke
Shop
At Four Eyes Joke Shop (New
England's largest joke shop), they use toilets as
their retail displays, and yes, they claim to "sell
the best crap". See their photo album for pictures!
Go> |
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Royal Flatulence
It would seem that someone
within the "royal ranks" passed wind
whilst on the balcony much to the amusement of
all. Notice HM the Queen's face in the first two
photo's, then look at her final expression in
picture three. How guilty does the Duke of Edinburgh
look? - From CQ Reader
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In a Pinch -
Karma is a Cold Hearted Bitch
For my grandmother's 70th
birthday, we all traveled to a little town 70
miles away from our city to a big country club
to celebrate. We couldn't fit all of our family
at the CC, so some of us went out to look for
a hotel. I ended up at a nice little apart-hotel,
and I would be the first person ever to use that
room (and restroom). After eating some very spicy
barbecue, we all headed out to take a nap and
reconvene at 5pm. It was then that I decided I
should have the inaugural crap at the room, so
I got a newspaper, sat on the never-used seat
and started doing my business, it was a monster
of gargantuan proportions, the thing just kept
staring at me like some kind of angry monster
out of a 1940s sci-fi movie.
Up to this point I was pretty confident everything
would go just fine since I was the first person
EVER to use the thing. But I was wrong, and how
wrong I was indeed!
I flushed once, it wouldn't go away and the water
rose steadily towards the border of the cup. Against
my better judgment, I waited for the tank to refill
and yanked the lever once again. That's literally
when everything went to shit, the thing started
overflowing, spreading brown water all over the
bathroom floor, and I could see the monster just
floating around and circling the water without
a care in life. Since it was a brand new place,
there wasn't a plunger anywhere in the little
apartment, so I had to go out and find someone
to take care of the problem.
Karma is indeed a cold-hearted
bitch, the first person I found was this 23 year
old hottie, the manager's daughter, and she asks
me if I need something. Not wanting her to see
Harvey (it was so disgusting and big it needed
a frickin' name) I told her I had to talk to her
father. She told me her father was taking a nap,
but that she could help me with whatever problem
I had. I tried to slip away from it, but she insisted
and went into the room, and straight into the
bathroom.
She ran out in horror, after seeing and smelling
the mess I had done, she woke her father up, who
came in and assessed the situation, while I unsuccessfully
tried to keep a straight face, he went out and
got a piece of strong wire, stuck it in the toilet
and started poking inside the pipe until the clog
went through. It rapidly flushed and they left
in haste.
To this day I cannot bring myself to go to that
place again, and I don't think they'd let me in
the door anyway. -
From CQ Reader Santiago
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US Army Post Benjamin Franklin
Village (Mannheim,
Germany)
UserFriendliness: 0
Cleanliness: 0
Privacy: 5
Facilities: 2
OverallScore: 0
Handicrapping: No
Attendant: No
Comments: This military facility sucks in every
public restroom on post, I will place my 7K monthly
pay check for a full year if you go, any day or
time you name it, and try to find a clean bathroom.
They are the killing field of cambodia made reality
in a military post. I wonder, how does leadership
reflects on this one?
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Barracks B - Green Zone
(Baghdad, Iraq) 
UserFriendliness: 1
Cleanliness: 1
Privacy: 1
Facilities: 0
OverallScore: 0
Handicrapping: Yes
Attendant: No
Comments: Would rather go out in the street. Facility
is in poor codition, no a/c so it is over 100
degrees, local Iraqi workers use the facility
and they use their bare hand rather than toilet
paper and they wash their feet in the sink before
they prey. This is really the toughest part of
war.
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Camden Canal Market
(London, UK)
UserFriendliness: 4
Cleanliness: 0
Privacy: 1
Facilities: 1
OverallScore: 0
Handicrapping: No
Attendant: Yes
Comments: the toilet seats are often covered in
runny poo. one of the only toilets in the area.
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Muse Park (Jackson,
TN)
UserFriendliness: 1
Cleanliness: 0
Privacy: 0
Facilities: 0
OverallScore: 0
Handicrapping: No
Attendant: No
Comments: Nasty bathrooms with feces on the walls,
usually no toilet paper to be found. No doors
on the stalls & glory holes big enough to
put your arm through. A place to stay away from!
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Heuston Station
(Dublin, Ireland)
UserFriendliness: 1
Cleanliness: 1
Privacy: 2
Facilities: 0
OverallScore: 1
Handicrapping: Yes
Attendant: No
Comments: Entrance costs €0.30c. The floor
is always wet. The ultra voilet light puts the
crappers in semi darkness. Nowhere to hang anything.
But miles better than on the traines...dump before
you get on..
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Tower of Pisa (Pisa,
Italy) 
UserFriendliness: 2
Cleanliness: 2
Privacy: 1
Facilities: 2
OverallScore: 1
Attendant: Yes
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Mario's Bar (Pittsburgh,
PA)
UserFriendliness: 0
Cleanliness: 0
Privacy: 0
Facilities: 1
OverallScore: 0
Handicrapping: No
Attendant: No
Comments: In the popular bar district of Pittsburgh,
bathroom lines can be long. This facility has
one urinal, one toilet, and one sink. On a busy
night, the sink becomes another toilet. The size
of this bathroom is no bigger than one in an average
middle class home. The door is always open going
in because so many people are waiting and it is
constantly propped. To top things off, there is
no door on the stall so people are always looking
around the corner to see if anyone is using the
toilet. With the high volume of people in there,
the seat is always soaked and the plumbing backs
up sometimes. The best part is this is one of
the more popular bars in the district and actually
a pretty classy place inside, generally speaking.
I can't imagine a harder place in the world to
take a dump!
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From the Archives - In a
Pinch
In this section, we highlight
funny crapping experiences from our readers. Read
stories like "The Very Stinky Poop Against
the Humble Clock" "The Turd Mutiny"
and "Tales from the Crapper - Bordello of Bleach"
to name a few. some of the funniest stuff you will
ever read. Have a funny story? Submit it to us and
we will add it! Go> |
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World's Largest Glossary
of Turds
Last, but definitely not least.
This is one of our most popular areas of the site.
Websters it ain't, but click on to check out the
most extensive Glossary of Turds we know of. As
usual, we have lots of new additions. You will be
amazed. Go> |
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